Maybe it's a blessing in disguise that I haven't had a voice in four days now? Because last night I was in a totally foul mood but as I had absolutely no way to express my feelings I fell asleep instead.
I was cross because I felt that S had left me all on my own with baby and a raging cold (and I mean a RAGING cold). He had so many important things to do at work. It's not fair to be cross with S, I know. But I spent two entire days just barely staying on my feet, crying and doing nothing else but feed our son and change his diaper when it needed changing. Tobias and I was sitting in front of the TV as zombies (he was a very restless little zombie I was a more near-death zombie). It was a horrible feeling, blech! I felt very lonely as all I wanted to do was curl up and die, but that's not really an option when you have a babe to care for.
So last night I really wanted to have a go at S for EVERYTHING. Naturally that wouldn't have been particularly creative, no. I mean, it's not his fault I'm having a cold. It's not his fault I am so lousy at expressing my needs either. Right.
So I think the conclusion is that for now, it's a blessing that I actually can't speak when I first feel the urge to say something. Wonder if I can bring this knowledge with me past the point of recovery?